What Going to University is Really Like

In the last week of September 2018, I set off for the University of York on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales in the north of England. This meant that I had to move a four-hour drive away from home, leave all of my family and friends behind, and start living independently in student accommodation on campus.

I was off to study psychology starting in my first year staying in halls of residence on campus in Derwent College. York has a college system a little bit like Cambridge University, which is particularly famous for this. I turned up in York with my family on Friday, stayed the night in a hotel and moved into uni the next day.

It was terrifying. Exciting but terrifying.
And it's already over.
It is now the end of the summer holiday of my first year at university.

I have had one of the best years, but probably also hardest and there has been a massive amount of growing involved in moving to university. There are so many aspects of ourselves that we don't realise will be affected by such a profound change. Especially as living away from home is thrown in with keeping up with doing a degree, both of which are not easy things to do.

Living alone and feeling alone

Living alone was one of the things that I was definitely scared about doing, however also so excited about. I'd never stayed away from home without family for more than five days in my life, so I knew this transition would feel huge but was needed. I had learnt how to cook a few different meals and been on the grocery shop with my mum a few times. Therefore I wasn't completely clueless, but this didn't stop me eating pot noodles and pot pasta for the first couple of days.

When you live without your family, you realise how much they can dictate how your days look. This definitely isn't a bad thing and probably won't apple to everyone, but for me it does. At home, my days' centre around doing things with my family, even if that's just eating meals together. However, moving away left my days' as being very overwhelming blank slates. To begin with, this was so exciting, and because everything was new to everyone, I spent lots of time exploring with others, catching up with degree work and going out socialising.

I couldn't keep that up though and so when the novelty wore off, my days really did begin to feel empty. I thought I would love this, as an introvert, it should have suited me. But really, it was just overwhelming. This occasionally still gets to me, and is when it is essential to reach out, and remember that you can be your own best friend too.

One of my best tips for if you are feeling that overwhelming loneliness is that if it is around a mealtime, go into the kitchen and start cooking. Choose something that you can take your time over and always stay in the kitchen to eat it. Inevitably someone will come and join you because everyone gets hungry. Then you'll have a shared interest and some company. If it isn't a mealtime, I would advise just going and knocking on anyone's door. If you're in the first year, you probably live with other people and more than likely they sometimes feel just like you.

However, one good thing that has come of this feeling is that it pushed me to think about how I want my days to look and how I want them to make me feel. This has been such an eye-opener for me. I realised that I didn't have to wake up and just dread my day because I had nothing scheduled in. I could change my mindset and see this as a huge opportunity to fill my days with literally anything I wanted.

This mindset has improved how living alone feels for me and helps me actually do some of the things that I love to do. I know that being at university should centre around studying for your all-important degree, but actually, that shouldn't be all of your life. There is so much time in a week that I have realised I can fit in studying as well as everything else. This includes socialising, going for walks, doing yoga, reading books, writing, learning to cook new things and overall just slowing down.

Independent learning

I think it may have been even more daunting for me than going to live away from home in a new city. Having not done any formal education during my gap year after my A-Levels, I had forgotten everything involved in intensive studying.

One good thing I found was that the workload gradually increased during the first term. We weren't thrown into the deep end immediately although I did still end up getting behind occasionally. Studying for a degree is hard, as it should be because it is such a high-level qualification. But as it is rightly said about studying, it is always a marathon and not a sprint. So if you currently feel like you're already behind, just remember slow, and steady can win the race too.

Doing a psychology degree means that they have somehow managed to make it into a sciences and humanities degree where reading, experiments, coursework and exams all combine. Unlike a specific sciences or humanities degree where you wouldn't do all of those in your first year. This has meant that I have had a lot of skills to learn and a varied workload. It's a good and bad thing because I know it means that I am gaining so many techniques and skills, but it's also so overwhelming sometimes.

Learning independently may not be a new thing for you if you studied at a sixth form or college where this was emphasised. However, I would argue that there will always be a leap between the different types of independent learning. Don't try and overwhelm yourself by doing it all though, just try and do as much as you can while also doing things that you enjoy too.

One place that will become your friend during your time at university is the library, so learn where it is and how it works soon. It is an excellent place to go and do work of any kind, including personal things that you want to concentrate on. There are usually sections for silent, quiet and group working so you can choose the type of background noise that suits your personal working style.

Living with all of your friends

In the first year of university, if you end up in university accommodation, you'll be living with a bunch of people just like you who you will never have met before. This a blessing and a curse. And it can always be useful to remind yourself that no matter what people seem like on the surface, you are all in the same boat.

I ended up living in a flat housing 21 people altogether with some shared bathrooms and two shared kitchens. As an introvert, I thought this would be absolutely awful if I'm honest. But I quickly found that it never actually felt like I lived with 20 other people. And sometimes you need to just be able to bump into someone when you need a little bit of company.

Living with other people meant that I immediately had some friends to be able to hang out with and explore the university and city with. Because the pool of people was big, it was much more likely that I would become real friends with some of them and find interests that I shared. It kept the experience enjoyable because we were all so different but became one big family who looked out for each other and hung out together.

This was probably my favourite part about the first year of university. I have never been amazing at making friends, but I was able to make and stay friends with all these people. And now have friendships that I really do hope will last. This year, I am going to live with three of those flatmates in a house for my second year.

Another great thing about living with your friends is that they are literally always there for you. You should try and be aware of how others are feeling and be conscious that you aren't overwhelming them or taking advantage of them. However, your friends are there when you need them because they live there. Being able to knock on someone's door if you need some company or to have a chat can be really meaningful. I think we should all note that relationships should be reciprocal to be healthy so be there for your friends and they'll be there for you.

As much as living with your friends can be fun and games, you are also doing a degree. You are allowed to lock your door for some time for yourself; you are allowed to go and do things by yourself. And if you have deadlines and work to do, don't neglect this. People have different ways of studying and varying amounts of studying to be able to achieve the same grades. Some people won't understand if you need to study more or less. Their opinions don't matter though, because you will have achieved what you're capable of if you study when you need to.

This is important to remember because it is easy to get sucked into hanging out in the kitchen or someone's bedroom and hours may have gone by. If you think that you can achieve some good work with your friends around, you could suggest a trip to the library or a study session to hang out and get work done. If you both do the same or similar subjects, you will be able to ask each other questions and help test each other's knowledge.

Branching out with societies + clubs

Joining societies is always one of the most advertised things about going to university. This isn't compulsory but can add some real value to your time there.

Clubs and societies can be a great way to meet new people and branch out your interests. Although you have to pay to join them, sometimes there will be free taster sessions for you to try them out and some are really cheap to join and become good value. They range from sports clubs to specific fandom clubs to volunteering projects and degree course societies.

I decided to join the Baking Society because they were so persuasive with all their baked foods. This ended up being so much fun because we did weekly bakes which made more than enough of whatever treat to be able to share. They did different socials to help us make friends and get good value, so it was such a fun thing to join in with. This was an excellent way to meet people and have something to talk about with them too. Mainly because it didn't involve drinking and sometimes university can feel like the only people having fun are the drunk ones.

I also joined the Yoga Society because I knew I needed to keep up with my exercise, and this is the one kind of exercise that I actually enjoy doing. Funnily though, I didn't realise how hard the lessons would be. There were a variety of classes with different teachers, but they seemed to assume that because we're young people, we are very fit so targetted the lessons accordingly. This did mean that I was able to push myself and my sporting abilities which has shown just how much I am capable of.

It is said that joining sports societies is an excellent way to find friends and have a sense of community. However, I haven't found that with yoga. Because it is a personal and individual exercise, people aren't likely to converse much before or after the session. This wasn't a bad thing because it meant that yoga became a really meditative practice for me.

I would recommend checking out your Freshers Fair at your university every year to see if you fancy trying something new or picking up a different skill. This is an excellent place to try new things as when you leave university, it will be more difficult to pick up a random activity to give it a go. That being said, don't feel so much pressure to join things just because everyone else is. The idea of university is to be able to curate your own experience, so you can choose which aspects you want to join in with and which bits to give a miss.

Socialising and drinking

I have never been amazing at making friends, or at least not keeping them. I'm not mean, and they're not mean. I just struggle with keeping in contact when there isn't a huge reason to do so, even if I enjoy their company. At university, you're thrown in with people in your flat, your course, and in any clubs you join, and they're just as new to everything as you are.

This newness is a great thing to embrace because it can encourage us that we are all in the same boat, so don't have any pressure or past to live up to. It also means they want to make friends just as much as you do. You can be yourself as much as you want because they don't expect anything otherwise and then they will see you for you. It can be easier to be yourself because you're living most of your life with these people. Meaning they'll see you cook dinner or have a messy room or go for a shower or anything else ordinary.

Sometimes because you have made so many new friends, it can feel like you should keep up with them all and go on every outing just so you're not left out. This can be great, especially at first to be able to explore, but as time goes on, it is good to realise that you don't always have to say yes. You can choose to spend your time however you like. If you don't fancy hanging out one day, going on an outing or getting drunk one night, there really shouldn't be any pressure to.

Everyone is going through a degree just like you. Your friends should be able to understand when you need time to study or time to do your own thing. It is difficult to have our lives revolve around socialising and sometimes isn't beneficial to our lives, especially if you're introverted like me. Socialising takes up a lot of my energy, so I need time to refuel and be alone to feel good and keep being a good friend when I can.

Another point to make about socialising at university is about the pressure to drink. This can be very apparent, especially in freshers week, and can be difficult for some people to try and navigate. If you have never gone for a night out, where some young people aim to get drunk, then it could be different and overwhelming compared to what you might be used to.

I had been on nights out before and been out getting drunk, some of these times have been great experiences with the best of friends, some have not. That's the nature of losing your inhibitions to alcohol. However, the pressure during the first term of university to be going out every week, perhaps more than once a week, took a toll on me. I wanted to be able to socialise with everyone I knew so that I'd be in on what's happening in their lives and the gossip, but I couldn't keep it up especially as the late nights really ruined the next day for me.

I would say that the best advice is before the night begins to decide: if you want to join in at all; how much you are willing to drink or how much you're willing to spend (just take cash, for goodness sake); how late you want to be up, considering what you have got on the next day; and if the people who are going are ones that are going to make it a perfect time for you. It is hard to not succumb to the peer pressure around drinking and don't beat yourself up if you drink more than you're happy with.

Finishing the first year

So, my first year is over, and that feels completely ridiculous. Times flies, like always, and here I am having achieved a good 2:1, joined a few clubs, made some friends, and grown into someone who can function away from home.

I hope anyone who is about to go to university, takes opportunities and uses it to build a life you want to live without succumbing to every pressure around you. It is a good experience and for me has been an excellent way to leave home and learn about living independently without being thrown right into the deep end, which I feel like I never would have done.

Here's to hopefully a brilliant second year, with more fun times and good grades.

Photo by William Navarro on Unsplash
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash